yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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