party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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