i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
