Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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