mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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