i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
