I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
