if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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