I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
