So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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