It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
