remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
