Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
