don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
