And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just forgot I was standing up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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