those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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