Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
