I can tuck mytits in my pants
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
