He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
