i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
