Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
