Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
