Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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