i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
