i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
