he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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