just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
