He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
