and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
