By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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