im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
