Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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