Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
