Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
