I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
