She is in my trunk
barbara walters just said penis...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
