i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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