i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
