Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
