Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
