Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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