I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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