Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
