I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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