i think i have two assholes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
