i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dignity is for republicans.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
