Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize