Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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