Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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