tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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