What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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