i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
