I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
