one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I forget how to act sober
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
