i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
