I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
