i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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