At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
