Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
