they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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