literally had 100 drinks last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
and you fell through a lawn chair
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
