I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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