you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
