Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
