If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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