the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
