me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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