My liver just broke up with me...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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