enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
