she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
