I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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