oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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