I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
