He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
