i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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