a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
