So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
