i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
